Coram Deo

DEDICATION

I am forever grateful for you, my beloved husband; you are the definition of true love. Thank you for choosing me to be your wife and for making me a better person in all aspects. I appreciate your support for all that I do. Thank you for giving me your blessings, which allow me to share my life with the world through my book. Thank you for motivating me and cheering for me when things got tough. With you by my side, I feel like I can conquer any adversity. You fought battles in war and life day in and day out. God kept you healthy and encouraged you, which in turn keeps us active and encouraged. I have learned every day that we need the Lord’s protection, and the following verse has helped us both in many ways. I love you.

The Armor of God:

Ephesians 6:10-18. Finally, be strong in the Lord and his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. Be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I am so very thankful to the all-mighty God for giving me the opportunity to share his glory and allowing me to break free from my past.

Ama, thank you for being so strong and molding me; you were an amazing mother. I think of you every day. I am certain that if you were here today, you’d be doing what I am doing: serving God, selling real estate, helping others, and writing books. I miss you.

Apa, thank you for smiling at me every day. No matter how upset you were with me, the smile never left your face. You showed me that being angry was never going to help any situation. You gave me a place as a child where there was laughter, and you made life fun. I appreciate the attention and love you gave me. You brought color into my life. I miss you.

To my children, you were beautiful children, and now most of you are young adults and parents. Thank you for making me feel special and for allowing me to help you with decisions and for trusting me, which proves to me that you love me. I am glad that you were all there to cheer me on during this lengthy process.

To my oldest daughter, you are simply incredible. I love your passion for God, the type of wife you are to your husband, and how you love and parent my three beautiful grandchildren. You show me my place in your heart as your mother, and you never hold back from loving me unconditionally, and these things mean a lot to me. You have taught me many things, and one is patience with dealing with diverse, challenging situations. Thank you for being my spiritual guide. I love you.

My beautiful second daughter, you have a heart like mine and a drive beyond measure. I admire your determination to do the best you can. I admire that you give to those who are in need whenever you can. You love to help, and I love that about you. You’re a wonderful mother to my handsome grandson; he is just as special as you are. I appreciate your willingness to support my business and that you are there for me through the good and bad in life. I am proud of who you are. I love you.

My capable third daughter; you were independent from a very young age, but that didn’t stop you from showing me that I was important to you. You always made me feel needed and loved. When you grew into an adult, I was amazed at how structured you became. I am very proud to have an honorable daughter who serves our country. I am excited and can’t wait to meet our new grand baby soon, you will be a wonderful Mommy. I love you.

My grand fourth daughter, thank you for creating space for me in your life. I appreciate that you were willing to trust me with your dad and accept me. You have treated me with love, and I appreciate your openness with me. I am extremely proud of your academic performance and determination to become a successful physician, and I am convinced that you will save many lives. I love you.

My super fifth daughter, I came into your life when you were only five years old. Your kind and loving heart opened to me. I feel honored to be a part of your life, and I feel blessed to have been able to watch you grow into a beautiful young person. I’m proud that you have maintained straight A’s and that you turn to God for help. You will be a young adult in the next few years, and I know that you will do amazing things. I love you.

My sixth baby girl: you are my last baby. I am happy that you are growing up with God in your heart, and I feel blessed that you received God early in life so that you have the opportunity to maximize the benefit of God’s love. I have joy when you’re around because you have a beautiful soul. Your smile lights up the universe, and I love being your mom. I love you.

Thank you, girls, for being such marvelous daughters and people and for filling up my heart.

My dear nieces and sister, thank you for checking on me frequently. Thank you for being a part of my life. You mean a lot to me. Girls, you both will accomplish much in life because of who you are and how you are. Your hearts are golden. Thank you for paying so much attention to my story. I have a book title, and I owe it all to you. I love you.

I thank the cousins with whom I grew up and experienced an amazing childhood. Thank you for loving me no matter the situation, for teasing me with love, because it made me happy, and it still does. I love you.

To each person at my wedding party; I can’t name all of you, but you are all wonderful. Each of you holds a valuable place in my heart. You have been by my side through many experiences, and I will never take that for granted. Thank you for loving me and accepting me for who I am. I love you.

To all the ladies who have been my friends and who have shared life with me, thank you. I love the fact that you shared those great moments with me. Thank you to everyone who reads my book and shares it with others. I appreciate you for taking the time to getting to know me and read my story. May you all be encouraged and blessed.

INTRODUCTION

From the moment I first experienced God’s love, I made a solemn vow to myself: I am going to write a book about it. If you’ve experienced God’s love, you understand that it makes you do things that you have never done before, things that you probably never imagined you would do in your entire life. You begin to think differently, and you discover that now you love as you’ve never loved before. A gradual transformation process ensues, and you start to become more like Jesus. Before you know it, the old you dies and the new you begins to live.

And that is how my story unfolds. The “old me” was extremely ashamed and embarrassed about who I was, and so I became completely isolated. Because of the truth behind my shame, I was afraid that people would consider me “different.” No one, not even strangers, were spared from my utter lack of self-confidence. I avoided eye contact with every single person because my mind was ravaged by thoughts that if I allowed anyone to look into my eyes, they would see my pain. I was angry; my fertile mind was wasted by feelings of inferiority and worthlessness, which completely consumed me. I thought that no one cared about me. Throughout this agonizing process, I pieced myself together into a dark creation and entity who was adept at conforming to the world. I did this to have a small chance at surviving the wars I was fighting inside of myself. Over time, I became this cold person, and people described me as “ruthless.” When I look back, my outward behaviors were in fact ruthless, but certainly, this wasn’t who I was. On the inside, my heart was shattering into a million pieces.

Of course, I knew that I should be doing better. I’d always known that. My parents taught and expected of me to be better than I was, but instead I was making terrible and unprintable decisions. I was young and immature and had been sorely traumatized by my life experiences. I gravitated toward worldly people, listened to secular music, and my vocabulary consisted primarily of vulgar words. I avoided engaging in conversations as much as possible, and the primary reason I was nervous to do so was because I couldn’t hold a normal conversation. Only after I started working in the medical field did I begin to physically and mentally broaden my horizons. While working with sick people, I began to develop a deep sense of compassion and a desire to nurture people. Slowly, I dropped my façade of ruthlessness, and my heart began to soften. Even then, I still battled the demons inside of me. I noticed this rather baffling sense of openness...